Saturday, April 14, 2012

The reason behind your silence [4]

I was heavily drunk yesterday night and have no idea how I got to my bed. But I woke up with this head with full of thoughts about you. Even though I have a bad stomachache and body pain I feel very fresh and happy. Like a sunny day after the rain. I have no idea why you! May be its because I used to write about you while I float.Yes, in past. Long back.

The thoughts was about a phone call. You may not remember it. It was your birthday. I had only one rupee balance as usual. I called and wished you. And you called me back and we talked for an hour. I still remember it. The place, the words. Everything. It was a lovely night. I was sitting in the balcony of BTM room. In that red chair with my legs on the iron grill. Watching the white clouds drifting in the sky, though the branches of the tree which spreads over the house roof and talking to you. I can still feel the cold breeze of that day. Its like I'd bottled that whole night and drinking it now. Once Anais Nin told that, "Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born". In those days I lived in a world created by you. By you and only with you. And when you were gone I bottled that whole world and kept it in my memories. I used to visit that world often. When I missed you. But not recently. That's why it is surprising. The morning thoughts about you.

Those where colorful days. You know. A boy is hopeless when he has no girl to think about when he goes to sleep and when he wakes up. To think about, to worry about and to miss and lastly to hope. Do you remember our chats and phone calls. We talked like kids. We used to discuss everything under the sun. Your silly tensions, my crazy ideas everything. The books we read, the movies we watch, the music we listen to, lyrics everything. Nowadays when I read a new book or watch a nice movie I get this quick feeling to share it with you. And when I find that you are not there anymore I feel that vacuum which cant be filled and to be missed forever. I still talk to you when I'm alone. About these things. Don't my words echo in your ears?

I told you. We were like kids. The face which appears when I think about you is still that little girl who stands on the window grill singing ABCD. And I always felt like a small boy who walks with you holding those little fingers and talking those big things we don't understand.

I'm still wondering why you came to my thoughts today morning. But I feel very happy now. because you happy face makes me forget a lot of things.

I know what you want to tell me now. Grow up. right? Please don't. Yeah some people never grow up the way you do. Or you may say everyone should grow up their own way. Understanding the limitations, duties, life and all. But I don't understand it. May be I don't know how to or I don't want to. I have read somewhere that we never grow up. We just learn to act matured. I even failed in learning to act.

I miss you.
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