I was heavily drunk yesterday night and have no idea how I got to my bed. But I woke up with this head with full of thoughts about you. Even though I have a bad stomachache and body pain I feel very fresh and happy. Like a sunny day after the rain. I have no idea why you! May be its because I used to write about you while I float.Yes, in past. Long back.
The thoughts was about a phone call. You may not remember it. It was your birthday. I had only one rupee balance as usual. I called and wished you. And you called me back and we talked for an hour. I still remember it. The place, the words. Everything. It was a lovely night. I was sitting in the balcony of BTM room. In that red chair with my legs on the iron grill. Watching the white clouds drifting in the sky, though the branches of the tree which spreads over the house roof and talking to you. I can still feel the cold breeze of that day. Its like I'd bottled that whole night and drinking it now. Once Anais Nin told that, "Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born". In those days I lived in a world created by you. By you and only with you. And when you were gone I bottled that whole world and kept it in my memories. I used to visit that world often. When I missed you. But not recently. That's why it is surprising. The morning thoughts about you.
Those where colorful days. You know. A boy is hopeless when he has no girl to think about when he goes to sleep and when he wakes up. To think about, to worry about and to miss and lastly to hope. Do you remember our chats and phone calls. We talked like kids. We used to discuss everything under the sun. Your silly tensions, my crazy ideas everything. The books we read, the movies we watch, the music we listen to, lyrics everything. Nowadays when I read a new book or watch a nice movie I get this quick feeling to share it with you. And when I find that you are not there anymore I feel that vacuum which cant be filled and to be missed forever. I still talk to you when I'm alone. About these things. Don't my words echo in your ears?
I told you. We were like kids. The face which appears when I think about you is still that little girl who stands on the window grill singing ABCD. And I always felt like a small boy who walks with you holding those little fingers and talking those big things we don't understand.
I'm still wondering why you came to my thoughts today morning. But I feel very happy now. because you happy face makes me forget a lot of things.
I know what you want to tell me now. Grow up. right? Please don't. Yeah some people never grow up the way you do. Or you may say everyone should grow up their own way. Understanding the limitations, duties, life and all. But I don't understand it. May be I don't know how to or I don't want to. I have read somewhere that we never grow up. We just learn to act matured. I even failed in learning to act.
I miss you.
Pages
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
You name it [5]
Loyalty, Perfection,
Dedication, Passion,
Marriage, Cheating,
Lies, Death,
Deadlines, Freedom,
Crap.
******
Still...
How sweet each our meetings are.
There is sweetness, even, in those waiting. Long ones.
The warmth of the first glance of you after the long wait.
The flow of happyness from eyes to lips
and then to the hands and the sudden hug.
And that pause just before the endless words.
And the fire of the first touch.
And the memories you give.
And lastly the hope.
Dedication, Passion,
Marriage, Cheating,
Lies, Death,
Deadlines, Freedom,
Crap.
******
Still...
How sweet each our meetings are.
There is sweetness, even, in those waiting. Long ones.
The warmth of the first glance of you after the long wait.
The flow of happyness from eyes to lips
and then to the hands and the sudden hug.
And that pause just before the endless words.
And the fire of the first touch.
And the memories you give.
And lastly the hope.
Another train Journey [4]
It started with the Chicken curry my roommate made. It was nonstop then. At first we tried local remedies like lemon tea, buttermilk etc. They couldn't help much. At last I decided to consult a doctor.
The day started from the toilet. While walking to the room I hit my head on one pointed edge of the kitchen door and fell down. For a few minutes I couldn't understand what was happening. I ran my fingers on my scalp. Thank God. No blood. I got up and headed for the doctor.
It was a normal Bangalore morning. Girls in light leggings walked to offices with laptop bags bumping on their bums. The dog uncle who stays opposite to our room took the meter reading (He does it daily. Only he and his wife live there. I don't even think the meter rotates) and fed the dogs with tiger biscuits. I walked 1km to the left, 2 km to the right and finally got back to the room to see the clinic just opposite to our room.
The registration and consultation fee was very high. Still I thought its ok if it is a lady doctor. On the contrary it was an old man. He gave me a few stopper tablets and some good advice regarding the food.
It was just the beginning of the problems. I spend most of the day in bed and woke up in evening to catch train to home. At that time the stomach had come to peace. Renjith dropped me near forum bus stop and I boarded the bus to SBC railway station. Roomie called me while I was in bus, with 4 people on conference and made my day.
The girl who sat next to me in bus was a very beautiful one. Still I couldn't notice her much because of the phone call. But when we reached Majestic I confirmed it with her. She said the stop is Majestic in a real sweet voice. I always do it :P even if I'm 100% sure. when some pretty girls are near :). Oh come on dear. Even she wanted me to ask her something.
I walked to the station from the bus stand. A lot of prostitutes were there. I never saw this many in Majestic. It was as if they can't do it from the next day onwards. But there was something different. Usually these girls disturb the passengers, with rude words and showing those deep cleavages to the face. But today they weren't doing it. They were dressed in salwars and sari's. And there was an inviting shyness on their faces. I scanned all of their faces in a single glance. All looked poor and sad. None of them had an average beauty. Yeah if they had, then there will be agents to hire them. I kept walking. Then my eyes met her. I'd never seen a women dressed beautifully as her. It was a rose colored sari and the street light which shown above her seems to have showering flowers on her. She was fair. She had this long silky hair. And the pose she had had an elegance which is not common in them. She had this discipline which cannot be seen in any of the women I'd met in my classrooms.
I had to take the turn just before her to the railway station. so couldn't see her face properly. Hopefully/fortunately/unfortunately, she might have met somebody and received an earning. It is sad that people have to sell themselves to make a living. But at least they don't sleep with husband's neighbor. May be they know much more about life. Somebody told me only they sell happiness to others.
I reached the station and the stomach had started giving the symptoms. Even the stoppers couldn't stop it. I had to eat something because I had medicine's to take. Doctor had told me to avoid oily food. I asked the shop guy for some food which has less oil. Luckily the shop owner was a keralate and he lead me to the railway emergency medical center and gave me one more stopper tablet. There are still kind people on earth.
I checked the PNR status and found mine is in RAC. I even check with whom I have to share the berth. It was a 50 year old man. Of course I expected a 18year old girl :P Well I really don't mind if it is any pretty lady below 30.
I boarded the train and went to my berth s10,39. There was nobody there. I thought nobody will come. I started thinking about train journeys. I always loved them. I even love railway stations. Because there a lot of life happening out there. I remember a man who talked about his mother who was about to die. He had to return to Bangalore. So he lied to mother and he felt sad about it. And a 100 other people I'd listened to. And I love the railway tracks too. Each turns in them reminds me of the choices we make in life. You know, its always the choices we make which counts. Not what we are capable of or not. I was lost in these thoughts and this guy appeared. With a ticket marked RAC s10,39. He asked me to give the seat to him as the whole berth is his only. I explained him that the seat is rac and we two have to share it. He was a little drunk and made a scene there. Telling the whole seat is his and all. He was a keralate too. Hearing this loud voices other people in the compartment came to us. There were a lot of keralates and they understood the thing. This time the drunk man tried to get my ticket forcefully. Other people told me not to give the ticket and tell the matter to TTR. The drunk man kept shouting. The TTR came and told him that the berth is for both of us and we have to share it. Then he shut his mouth.
When the TTR left for checking the other tickets he started again. I went to TTR and told this. TTR came and scolded the drunk man. And told me he will call the railway police if drunk man create any further disturbances.
I thanked him and thanked all the fellow passengers who helped me and started sleeping. After sometime I nearly fell to the floor and slept there. I woke up sensing the touch of a wooden stick. It was a police. They couldn't walk because of me. A Vanitha police was with them. Some women are always kind. They will tell us lovely words. Always cook tasty food for us. They will be always there for us. She was one of them. A kind one. She found me a vacant berth and told me to sleep there.
There was light when I opened my eyes. Fellow passengers smiled at me with sympathy. Train stopped at a station and some girls entered our compartment. Some of them sat to my right and others to my left. Upto trichur station I travelled as a teenage girls sandwich. Lucky me. Yeah. In next post I'll tell you how me and Vivek met Vrinda Shameek the TV anchor :)
The day started from the toilet. While walking to the room I hit my head on one pointed edge of the kitchen door and fell down. For a few minutes I couldn't understand what was happening. I ran my fingers on my scalp. Thank God. No blood. I got up and headed for the doctor.
It was a normal Bangalore morning. Girls in light leggings walked to offices with laptop bags bumping on their bums. The dog uncle who stays opposite to our room took the meter reading (He does it daily. Only he and his wife live there. I don't even think the meter rotates) and fed the dogs with tiger biscuits. I walked 1km to the left, 2 km to the right and finally got back to the room to see the clinic just opposite to our room.
The registration and consultation fee was very high. Still I thought its ok if it is a lady doctor. On the contrary it was an old man. He gave me a few stopper tablets and some good advice regarding the food.
It was just the beginning of the problems. I spend most of the day in bed and woke up in evening to catch train to home. At that time the stomach had come to peace. Renjith dropped me near forum bus stop and I boarded the bus to SBC railway station. Roomie called me while I was in bus, with 4 people on conference and made my day.
The girl who sat next to me in bus was a very beautiful one. Still I couldn't notice her much because of the phone call. But when we reached Majestic I confirmed it with her. She said the stop is Majestic in a real sweet voice. I always do it :P even if I'm 100% sure. when some pretty girls are near :). Oh come on dear. Even she wanted me to ask her something.
I walked to the station from the bus stand. A lot of prostitutes were there. I never saw this many in Majestic. It was as if they can't do it from the next day onwards. But there was something different. Usually these girls disturb the passengers, with rude words and showing those deep cleavages to the face. But today they weren't doing it. They were dressed in salwars and sari's. And there was an inviting shyness on their faces. I scanned all of their faces in a single glance. All looked poor and sad. None of them had an average beauty. Yeah if they had, then there will be agents to hire them. I kept walking. Then my eyes met her. I'd never seen a women dressed beautifully as her. It was a rose colored sari and the street light which shown above her seems to have showering flowers on her. She was fair. She had this long silky hair. And the pose she had had an elegance which is not common in them. She had this discipline which cannot be seen in any of the women I'd met in my classrooms.
I had to take the turn just before her to the railway station. so couldn't see her face properly. Hopefully/fortunately/unfortunately, she might have met somebody and received an earning. It is sad that people have to sell themselves to make a living. But at least they don't sleep with husband's neighbor. May be they know much more about life. Somebody told me only they sell happiness to others.
I reached the station and the stomach had started giving the symptoms. Even the stoppers couldn't stop it. I had to eat something because I had medicine's to take. Doctor had told me to avoid oily food. I asked the shop guy for some food which has less oil. Luckily the shop owner was a keralate and he lead me to the railway emergency medical center and gave me one more stopper tablet. There are still kind people on earth.
I checked the PNR status and found mine is in RAC. I even check with whom I have to share the berth. It was a 50 year old man. Of course I expected a 18year old girl :P Well I really don't mind if it is any pretty lady below 30.
I boarded the train and went to my berth s10,39. There was nobody there. I thought nobody will come. I started thinking about train journeys. I always loved them. I even love railway stations. Because there a lot of life happening out there. I remember a man who talked about his mother who was about to die. He had to return to Bangalore. So he lied to mother and he felt sad about it. And a 100 other people I'd listened to. And I love the railway tracks too. Each turns in them reminds me of the choices we make in life. You know, its always the choices we make which counts. Not what we are capable of or not. I was lost in these thoughts and this guy appeared. With a ticket marked RAC s10,39. He asked me to give the seat to him as the whole berth is his only. I explained him that the seat is rac and we two have to share it. He was a little drunk and made a scene there. Telling the whole seat is his and all. He was a keralate too. Hearing this loud voices other people in the compartment came to us. There were a lot of keralates and they understood the thing. This time the drunk man tried to get my ticket forcefully. Other people told me not to give the ticket and tell the matter to TTR. The drunk man kept shouting. The TTR came and told him that the berth is for both of us and we have to share it. Then he shut his mouth.
When the TTR left for checking the other tickets he started again. I went to TTR and told this. TTR came and scolded the drunk man. And told me he will call the railway police if drunk man create any further disturbances.
I thanked him and thanked all the fellow passengers who helped me and started sleeping. After sometime I nearly fell to the floor and slept there. I woke up sensing the touch of a wooden stick. It was a police. They couldn't walk because of me. A Vanitha police was with them. Some women are always kind. They will tell us lovely words. Always cook tasty food for us. They will be always there for us. She was one of them. A kind one. She found me a vacant berth and told me to sleep there.
There was light when I opened my eyes. Fellow passengers smiled at me with sympathy. Train stopped at a station and some girls entered our compartment. Some of them sat to my right and others to my left. Upto trichur station I travelled as a teenage girls sandwich. Lucky me. Yeah. In next post I'll tell you how me and Vivek met Vrinda Shameek the TV anchor :)
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Friday, December 9, 2011
Dear you [2]
Dear you,
Do you know how happy I am to have you? When the word friendship is being talked too much. I don't like that word. That is why I call your nickname always. When I see and hear the stories of how others are, I find how lucky we are. Of course there were ups and downs in our friendship. But I never felt bad about you. Because I know you'll never hurt me. Even though if you say something that may hurt me, I know you didn't mean it. But it never happened from you. I really think there was something from me because I'm not that good in predetermining how my words would interpret. But those are just words. May be one can think of something and when put into words they may come with another meaning. That can happen. And it happens often with me. But as I told before they are just words. Who can read other's mind? I was always happy when with you. Smoking those weeds and listening to your mad ideas.
I always felt happy when you won something. I was always proud of you. I felt happy even when we both tried and only you succeed. Because I never felt lost when victory was with you. But you know some bastards are there. They will come and tease the one who failed, telling he is jealous of the other. They just want to ruin a friendship. You know such people exists. And I hate them. I'm telling you all these because some people made me mad doing all this. And I hate people who make mean comments. You know they just do it to hurt us. And there are some people who even make mean comments before the dining table. I have no idea how much money I owe you on account of the food we ate. But whenever I'd money I used spend it. I know there is no meaning in saving it for future. No one can say we will be alive tomorrow. We are some souls meet in a small space for a small time. So why would one quarrel for such silly matters. But it hurts me when people say about the bills they paid weeks ago. And I hate those people who keeps the things we said carelessly or as jokes and later mention them. Now I know how good you are as a person. And there are people who watch whatever we do and interprets our deeds according to their weird thoughts. They are the most dangerous. They will say things we can't even imagine. I love you so much because we were never like that.
And there was never a competition between us. I think that is the main point. I've seen friendships break just because of it. We never felt that one of us is superior to the other. And another thing is that we never made fun of our parents. There are lots of people who do that telling their friendship is very strong and they don't feel anything doing so. But I don't believe that. Who won't feel sad when one calls bad words on their parents? And if you watch them you can see that their friendship won't survive much time. And I don't understand how people can hurt us and still talk to us as they didn't do anything. Or as they-did-something-and-they-don't-give-a-damn manner. When I get the feeling that I might have hurt you I won't be able to look at you. I'll be feeling guilty. And when I'm really hurt by somebody I can't even say a word.
But one thing I'm afraid of is the situations such you are in trouble and sad. I won't have any idea what to say to u. How to comfort you. I have always found me searching for words in such situations. Or I'll say something very frank. It will be practical but it would be the worst thing one can say at that time. And I apologize if I'd failed in such situations. And it was easy in my case. When I was sad. I just had to look at you. You have a cute funny face. Don't laugh assole. I'm telling the truth. And the things you do will make everybody laugh. I'm happy to have such a wonderful friend.
Several times we had thought we lost the heat of it. When the distance became larger and when the routines changed. But we never gave up. I think it is only because of you, it still survives. You are too good. I wish if everyone has a friend like you. And a friendship just like ours.
I was in hell of a mood. Feel better now. :) And there is a lot of I's me's and you's. Don't think I'm boasting off something. Everything in this world makes me feel too small. And I feel we are still children. And as somebody told. There is no seven wonders to a child. There are seven million. And you and our friendship are among them.
Loving you,
Hugs
Do you know how happy I am to have you? When the word friendship is being talked too much. I don't like that word. That is why I call your nickname always. When I see and hear the stories of how others are, I find how lucky we are. Of course there were ups and downs in our friendship. But I never felt bad about you. Because I know you'll never hurt me. Even though if you say something that may hurt me, I know you didn't mean it. But it never happened from you. I really think there was something from me because I'm not that good in predetermining how my words would interpret. But those are just words. May be one can think of something and when put into words they may come with another meaning. That can happen. And it happens often with me. But as I told before they are just words. Who can read other's mind? I was always happy when with you. Smoking those weeds and listening to your mad ideas.
I always felt happy when you won something. I was always proud of you. I felt happy even when we both tried and only you succeed. Because I never felt lost when victory was with you. But you know some bastards are there. They will come and tease the one who failed, telling he is jealous of the other. They just want to ruin a friendship. You know such people exists. And I hate them. I'm telling you all these because some people made me mad doing all this. And I hate people who make mean comments. You know they just do it to hurt us. And there are some people who even make mean comments before the dining table. I have no idea how much money I owe you on account of the food we ate. But whenever I'd money I used spend it. I know there is no meaning in saving it for future. No one can say we will be alive tomorrow. We are some souls meet in a small space for a small time. So why would one quarrel for such silly matters. But it hurts me when people say about the bills they paid weeks ago. And I hate those people who keeps the things we said carelessly or as jokes and later mention them. Now I know how good you are as a person. And there are people who watch whatever we do and interprets our deeds according to their weird thoughts. They are the most dangerous. They will say things we can't even imagine. I love you so much because we were never like that.
And there was never a competition between us. I think that is the main point. I've seen friendships break just because of it. We never felt that one of us is superior to the other. And another thing is that we never made fun of our parents. There are lots of people who do that telling their friendship is very strong and they don't feel anything doing so. But I don't believe that. Who won't feel sad when one calls bad words on their parents? And if you watch them you can see that their friendship won't survive much time. And I don't understand how people can hurt us and still talk to us as they didn't do anything. Or as they-did-something-and-they-don't-give-a-damn manner. When I get the feeling that I might have hurt you I won't be able to look at you. I'll be feeling guilty. And when I'm really hurt by somebody I can't even say a word.
But one thing I'm afraid of is the situations such you are in trouble and sad. I won't have any idea what to say to u. How to comfort you. I have always found me searching for words in such situations. Or I'll say something very frank. It will be practical but it would be the worst thing one can say at that time. And I apologize if I'd failed in such situations. And it was easy in my case. When I was sad. I just had to look at you. You have a cute funny face. Don't laugh assole. I'm telling the truth. And the things you do will make everybody laugh. I'm happy to have such a wonderful friend.
Several times we had thought we lost the heat of it. When the distance became larger and when the routines changed. But we never gave up. I think it is only because of you, it still survives. You are too good. I wish if everyone has a friend like you. And a friendship just like ours.
I was in hell of a mood. Feel better now. :) And there is a lot of I's me's and you's. Don't think I'm boasting off something. Everything in this world makes me feel too small. And I feel we are still children. And as somebody told. There is no seven wonders to a child. There are seven million. And you and our friendship are among them.
Loving you,
Hugs
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
You, me, Revolution and Love
It is very calm and quiet today.
Yes I noticed.
The climate is also nice.
Yes I wish if I could run out and play.
It is sad that we are statues.
Don't ever remind me that.
I wish one day there will be a revolution to free us.
No. Human beings will never understand our pain.
why?
Because they don't know that "Everything has a shape has a soul too".
But I still dream about revolution.
Do you believe in revolutions?
Yes.
But not me. They will never be such an equality. Poor will be poor. Rich will be rich.
What I believe is in social equality. Not financial. It can be achieved even there is no financial equality.
Me too thought of it. I hate everyone who discriminates others on the basis of cast, creed, race or color.
Hmm.. You look very bad. Those people don't even mind putting color on us these days.
Yes. I know. I saw it.
How?
I used to watch us on the reflections of those vehicles' glasses.
Look at those people. Everything changed. The way they speak, dress, live..
Yes. It changes very fast now.
Do you see that old couple? On that corner.
Yes I do.
You see they still hold their hands. Its been 30 years. Still.
Yes. Everything changed. But not LOVE.
I wish if I could kiss thee.
I wish if my dream comes true.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
You name it [4]
This world is a big hospital
All the people are sick here,
rotting and dying.
Dear,
Lets get out of here.
We go to the terrace,
me in my white shirt
and you in your light blue salwar
sun setting behind us.
your toes on mine,
You stand there,
completely in my arms
and your arms around my neck,
I love you,
you whisper through your fingertips.
and I respond with a smile.
Then you kiss me
Slowly, gently,
and
all the whole world melt between our lips
Thats the plan.
Monday, October 10, 2011
You;
The fear I feel when I look down from a suicide point,
The heartbeat I skip unknowingly when I see a huge waterfall,
The calm feeling I get watching the tides on a sunset,
The happiness I feel when I win those little things..
Everything remind me of you,
sometimes as the fear of losing you.
sometimes as the happiness of having you.
May be,
I have only one emotion.
And
That is You.
The heartbeat I skip unknowingly when I see a huge waterfall,
The calm feeling I get watching the tides on a sunset,
The happiness I feel when I win those little things..
Everything remind me of you,
sometimes as the fear of losing you.
sometimes as the happiness of having you.
May be,
I have only one emotion.
And
That is You.
Suicide;
He/She was helpless. He/She couldn't take it anymore.
He/She was too weak to deal with it.
He/She put an end to it
He/She didn't know that there were better ways to deal their problems.
I wont blame him/her.
People talked about the tragedy. Did a psychological study. Published papers.
Nobody cared him/her much. People on this earth are very selfish. They don't have time to care for others.
They seem to be on an important game. Just to win a horrible death at end.
A friend's friend committed suicide. Please pray for his soul. Thank you.
He/She was too weak to deal with it.
He/She put an end to it
He/She didn't know that there were better ways to deal their problems.
I wont blame him/her.
People talked about the tragedy. Did a psychological study. Published papers.
Nobody cared him/her much. People on this earth are very selfish. They don't have time to care for others.
They seem to be on an important game. Just to win a horrible death at end.
A friend's friend committed suicide. Please pray for his soul. Thank you.
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